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The F-word. Feminism. One of the most controversial words of the 21st century. And one of the most misunderstood. What really is feminism? Google says the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. And when has Google ever been wrong? Here is a do’s and don’ts list of what feminism really is. click here if you'd rather listen to it
FEMINISM IS equality for all genders. Anyone who believes in anything else is sexist, it’s as simple as that. Every person of every gender and sexuality should receive equal opportunities in aspects where the gender and sexuality of the person don’t make a difference. For example, work opportunities, salary, respect, clothing, freedom, etc.
FEMINISM IS NOT anti-men. Let me clear up a common misconception: feminists don’t hate men just because they're men. If they do, then they're not really a feminist. They may think they are, but they’re not. Yes, there are many men out there that are horrible people, but they are hated because they are horrible people. Not because they are men. A real feminist (and a good person in general) will give everyone an equal chance to prove themselves and only dislike them if they deserve it due to their behavior or actions. Not because of a demographic they were born with or choose to identify as. You may see/hear statements such as "Men are trash", by people who call themselves feminists, and the reason for this could possibly be
They recently had a bad experience with a man/multiple men, and are venting frustration without truly meaning it. How to perceive/react: Don't take it very seriously since, if they are truly a feminist, they don't mean it. Although being upset doesn't justify making sweeping generalizations, empathize with the fact that we all say things we don't mean when we are upset and give them the benefit of the doubt.
They want attention/to elicit a strong reaction from their audience. How to perceive/react: It is less likely that this person is a feminist and they are clearly seeking for attention so don't give it to them. A real feminist wouldn't say something sexist for attention.
They genuinely believe it. How to perceive/react: They are sexist and it would be best to ignore them/not take them seriously.
FEMINISM IS bringing women up to the level of men (in terms of rights and opportunities), not bringing men down to the same level of rights and opportunities women currently have. Feminists don’t want to take away the rights that men have that we don’t. We just want to be given the same rights that men have that we don’t. If a woman makes $0.74 for every dollar a man makes, we don’t want men to also be paid $0.74. We want to be paid a dollar.
FEMINISM IS NOT female superiority. Possibly the largest misconception about feminism is that feminists just want control over men. More women in power ≠control over men. We don't want to dominate/oppress men. We want more women to take leadership roles so we can be represented better in areas such as the law, film, economy, pop culture, basically anywhere where important decisions are being made. We don't want to make decisions for men—but we would like for men to stop making decisions for us.
FEMINISM IS intersectional. What we have in the 21st century during the 3rd wave of feminism that weren't present in the 1st and 2nd wave is intersectionality. The 20th century view of a woman was a cisgendered, straight white woman. Now we have come to realize that feminism is not feminism if it doesn't include women of all races. Similarly, having a sexual preference for anyone other than only men does not make one any less of a woman. In fact, feminism is about bringing up the status of not just the traditional sense of a woman, but also any other oppressed gender a.k.a. anyone who is not a cisgendered male. This includes transgendered and nonbinary people.
FEMINISM IS NOT the idea that women and men should be exactly the same in every way possible. But isn't feminism about equality? Yes, but at the same time, men and women are not exactly the same in every aspect. We have slightly different bodies and slightly different brains, and failing to recognize these differences is would be an injustice to everyone. There are general strengths and weaknesses of all the sexes and it is important that we embrace these differences and try to improve ourselves rather than use it to divide us. For example, in general, men are better at spacial reasoning while women are better at expressing emotions. Should we act like these differences don't exist and that we are all equally skilled at everything? No. Should we use this as a dividing feature or make assumptions about other people because of it? Also no. Everyone should get a chance to prove themselves. But just because boys traditionally like video games, action movies, and sports doesn't mean girls have to be into the same things. A true feminist embraces what they naturally like and are without caring if it is a traditionally masculine or feminine activity/trait.
FEMINISM IS using correct terminology. Psychology has shown that words make a tremendous difference on how we perceive things. It may seem like little details won't make a difference in the long run, e.g. using the word female when you should be using the word woman, but psychology shows that the words we use have an astounding influence on the way we think. All words have subtle connotations and some may have strong historical/emotional significance and should only be used by particular people or in particular circumstances. Learn what the correct diction is and practice using it in everyday life. It will take some time to get into the habit of it, but once you do, it will change the way you perceive certain people and ideologies.
FEMINISM IS NOT disdain for anything traditionally feminine. Another one of the biggest misconceptions is that women need to be less feminine, or more like men. This is not true at all, and goes against the main idea of feminism. This ties in with the earlier point of men and women not being the exact same in every single way. You may heard of the common phrase "I'm not like other girls," this being said most likely from a teenage girl. Society has ingrained into all of us the idea that femininity is weak, frivolous, and shallow, and that masculinity is the way to go. That's why many girls growing up go through a phase where they become a "tomboy" hating on other girls who care about their appearance, trying to befriend guys more than other girls, and getting into more stereotypically "masculine" activities such as video games and sports. This is a disservice to everything femininity has to offer such as empathy, tenderness, sensitivity, nature and the creation of life, and intimacy. Our world deems tenderness and sensitivity as weak traits to have when they are actually extremely powerful as relationships and human connection are essentially what life is about. Whether a woman wears a baggy T-shirt and jeans or a floral sundress, whether she aspires to be a dominating career woman or a stay-at-home mom, a strong or weak feminine presence doesn't make her any more weak or powerful, or more or less of a feminist or a woman.
FEMINISM IS believing women. If a woman says something is sexist, believe her. If a woman says she was sexually harassed, believe her. If a woman has an issue going on with her body, believe her. If a woman says she is not interested in you, believe her. There is no reason for someone to lie about these things, and more often than not, she is telling the truth. Believe her.
FEMINISM IS NOT the idea that women should receive special advantages they don’t deserve. There are many women who claim to be feminists who want the rights that come with gender equality, but not the responsibilities. E.g. We should be paid equally, but we shouldn't have to be enlisted in the military. These people are not feminists since they don't truly believe in gender equality.
FEMINISM IS an ideology consisting of more than one school of thought. I used to think there was one way to be a feminist. Feminism is a huge ideology with many alternate beliefs and just because someone's feminism is different than yours, doesn't mean it's incorrect. For example, some feminists believe that nudity is empowering while others believe it is oppressive. There's no right or wrong answer, it depends on the individual's personal values and beliefs.
FEMINISM IS NOT being offended at every little thing that could possibly have a hint of sexism or misogyny. Before claiming something as sexist, first think what could the intention have been. Only call out sexism when it is genuinely offensive or with bad intent. Otherwise you can educate the other person or move on. If you see a sexist comment by a random nobody on the internet, it's not worth your time to get into an argument with them. You'll not convince them or teach them anything and in the end, one random person has no power to anything. You are probably way better off than they'll ever be. Focus more on sexist people in power and systemic sexism.
FEMINISM IS NOT getting rid of all female objectification. It's human nature to be sexual and have sexual desires, so it is a bit ridiculous to ask for women to never be sexualized because (1) it's not humanly possible, (2) men get sexualized as well, so that would also have to stop, and (3) being sexual and being sexualized are two completely ideas yet are used interchangeably. Being sexual is a part of human nature. Nearly everyone has a sexuality and some people like to share it openly while others like to keep it private. When someone chooses to portray themselves sexually, that's being sexual. When someone is being portrayed sexually by someone else, that's being sexualized. Noticed the difference between the active and passive in those phrases. Some feminists say certain industries like sex work and modeling objectify women, but the women who work in those industries chose to be there themselves because they enjoy it and it empowers them. If a woman enjoys publicly sharing her sexuality, who is anyone to tell her that what she is doing is wrong? Isn't feminism about empowering women and letting them pursue what they are passionate about? So the next time someone looks down on a woman publicly sharing her sexuality, regard it with suspicion.
FEMINISM IS being anti-sexist. You may have heard the term "anti-racist" from political activist Angela Davis's famous quote, "In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist. We must be anti-racist." The same applies for the feminist movement. Although most people don't condone sexism, a lot of them don't actively advocate against it, especially if it forces them to step outside of their comfort zone to do so. It is not enough to not make sexist jokes, you must also call out others when they make one. No change will ever be made if nobody speaks up and addresses problematic behavior. That may result in you either being uncomfortable, or making someone else uncomfortable. Change doesn't occur within the comfort zone.
FEMINISM IS NOT pointing fingers. Nobody likes someone who is complain-y and puts all the blame on someone else when it is not in their control. More importantly, even if you are addressing an important issue, nobody will take it seriously if it is in a whiny, negative tone. I'm all for holding people accountable when they need to be responsible for their actions, but statements like, "Men suck, I hate being a woman," etc., do nobody any good because (1) you are just putting yourself in a worse mood, (2) you are turning the other person off from the message you are actually trying to convey, (3) nothing is being achieved, and (4) victimizing yourself/demonizing someone else takes away your power. I tend to stay away from feminism accounts on Instagram for this exact reason. They all seem too negative and I instead of feeling more empowered or educated, leave feeling emotionally drained. Additionally, if a more can-do, go-getter mindset is adopted, it may help to rid the negative connotation attached to the word "feminist." Stop painting women as the victim and men as the monsters, it is a harmful narrative and achieves the opposite of the actual goal of feminism.
FEMINISM IS for everybody. There is not a single demographic that benefits from the patriarchy. Men have suffocating standards of masculinity like not being able to cry/show emotions other than rage + lust, not being able to talk about their problems, resulting in a dangerous suppression of emotions that can lead to violence or self-harm. There's a reason why men's depression and suicide rates are much higher than women's. They can't enjoy simple hobbies like makeup, fashion, ballet, basically anything perceived as feminine. Additionally, there's also the immense pressure of being the provider/breadwinner for their family. These are just of the few disadvantages of being a man in a patriarchal society. On top to that, transgendered + nonbinary people have it the worst. Their existences are denied and invalidated, dealing with more violence than any other gender. Nobody benefits. Everyone is hurting from the harsh inequality between the sexes. This is a common enemy we all have to work together in order to take down.